THE CHRISTMAS BOOK

I confess an affinity for books that collect insults, irony and verbal sparring.

Many years ago I was gifted with such a book, “The Portable Curmudgeon”, by a slightly demented step-child and her then fiance de jour.

For its genre that volume reigned supreme in my library until this Christmas morn.

Joey and Casey, son and daughter-in-law, presented me with the new leader of the pack, “The Snark Bible” by Lawrence Dorfman.

It has been said that wisdom and insight can be gained by opening any book at random and reading whatever is printed on that page.  I did this and was amazed at how well the passage summed up my personal feelings.

I will now share the result of my first foray into the pages of the book.

“When you are annoying me, I’ll let you know it.  I think of it as community service, not as being mean.   Because otherwise you’ll just keep on doing it – your quirks, peculiarities, mannerisms, and traits, which may be cute to your mom but aren’t – and quickly everyone you know will be avoiding you like the swine flu.  By nipping it in the bud, I’m preventing you from horrifying the entire world with your lack of style, taste, and personality, hence the “service” aspect of my advice.  Don’t try to convince yourself that it’s me.  Listen to what I’m saying and change.”

Have a New Year, as happy or crappy as you choose it to be.

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About rixlibris

Retired from child care photography after thirty years of coaxing smiles and wiping noses. Currently venting years of repressed fictional story lines via self-published novels. Married and still alive in a remote corner of Waller County, Texas.
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7 Responses to THE CHRISTMAS BOOK

  1. Roxanne says:

    Do not tell my husband about EITHER ONE of these books, as I have added them to the list of “things to get Tony” that I keep in my brain.

    • rixlibris says:

      Mums the word. Somehow I would never have thought Tony and I shared a penchant for this type of material. My esteem for him has soared to even new heights.

      • Roxanne says:

        Did you SEE the back window of his old truck? I believe you were the one who gave him the “Secede” bumper sticker which he IMMEDIATELY slapped on there. . .and asked you for another. 🙂

  2. Please, never read “Mein Kampf.” (Or however it is spelled).

    • rixlibris says:

      Too late, but why not? Translation: My Struggle. Hitler was either a complete madman, a genius or simply jumped erratically from one state to the other. Imagine if he had taken to religion instead of politics.

  3. Ambrose Bierce is the answer. Trust me. 🙂

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