Peeing By The Side Of The Road

Life has a way of circling back on itself, renewing old experiences.  My first job, at about age twelve, was as a newspaper carrier.  Mounted on my bicycle with the basket on front, I delivered the evening news.  Now I’m back at it.  This time in the predawn hours and by car.  

Call it fate.  My long time carrier was seriously injured in an auto accident.  This caused her route to be carried by a member of the management staff while they attempted to hire a replacement.  

Not privy to the reasons, I became increasing frustrated at having my 5:30 AM paper arrive at 9:00 AM.  I met the gentleman tossing the paper at my front gate and asked him what I would have to do to make sure I got my paper on time.  He smiled and said, “you could always take the route yourself.”  I don’t know which of us was the more surprised when I asked “when and where?”  

In retrospect, it was a fortuitous moment.  The pay is decent, the ongoing discussion at bill paying time about what is an appropriate amount to spend promoting books is now moot and I have three to four hours each night, totally undisturbed, doing a rote memory task while in my mind I can work out plot development, characterizations and dialogue.

Friends and family members have asked the usual questions: How long is your route?  Is it hard to remember who gets a paper? How many miles between brake jobs?  However one neighbor went all Schopenhauer on me and asked. “what was the most unexpected aspect of the job?”

I gave it a few moments of thought.  Considering that my route is 95% rural, leaving the town lights behind after the first few minutes and taking to country roads where there are no gas stations, no restaurants, not even a single “Stop and Rob” and given that I am transporting an aging prostate over 120 miles of rutted, bumpy road, I had to conclude that the most unexpected aspect of the job is that I find myself, with some regularity, peeing by the side of the road.    

About rixlibris

Retired from child care photography after thirty years of coaxing smiles and wiping noses. Currently venting years of repressed fictional story lines via self-published novels. Married and still alive in a remote corner of Waller County, Texas.
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6 Responses to Peeing By The Side Of The Road

  1. Tony says:

    I’ll avert my eyes when I tag along with you.

  2. Roxanne says:

    Good thing there are doors and sides of the road on both sides of the car. . .especially when you have a passenger.

  3. Capt Jill says:

    Better be careful with that.
    I was called for jury duty once cause some (really prudish) lady filed charges of ‘public indecency’ on a guy for peeing on the side of the highway. I could hardly believe it when I found out that was what the trial was going to be about. I was hoping they would choose me to be on the jury since there was NO WAY I would ever convict (so I tried to keep my mouth shut). Of course, they did not pick me. 😦
    I felt really sorry for the guy to have to go through all that BS. What was he supposed to do? Pee all over himself in the car? Bring along an empty bottle to piss in? There was nowhere to pull off the highway for miles! The speed limit is 65 mph along there (most are going 75+), so I wonder WHAT she thinks she saw. She insisted she was worried that her 2 little boys might see something. Yeah, like they don’t have their own???
    I wondered was the guy standing out in the middle of the highway waving it around? Trying to write on her windshield as she sped by???
    I don’t know what happened, but if he got convicted I’m sure you can imagine what kind of hell he is going to have to deal with the rest of his life. Labeled as a pervert, sex offender, etc. All for just having to take a piss along the side of the road.
    I am constantly amazed and disgusted with what has become of our freedoms in this country.

  4. LindaGHill says:

    You won’t catch me peeing in a snow bank, no matter how long I’ve been out there. Hahaha!

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